Men's Liberation

I love a difficult game show; University Challenge, Mastermind etc. My favourite though is Only Connect. It's late night runtime on BBC 4 means that the extremely lovely host, Victoria Coren, can inject her irreverent, obscure and provocative sense of humour into the show without it being diluted for the masses. With the added bonus of some of the geekiest contestants ever seen on TV and some devilishly hard questions it really is unadulterated quiz show heaven. My only problem with Only Connect is that Victoria (I think I can call her by her first name, she tweeted at me once) refers to the show as the hardest on TV and I am not sure that this is the case. Playing It Straight, the rather less high-brow, E4 show in which a girl tries to identify which of the male contestants is gay by spending time with them and doing pre-watershed approved tasks. This should be the hardest game show on earth.

Identifying someone's sexual orientation by how they behave is, or at least should be, impossible. Nothing about how you behave, speak, act, dress, dance or eat should give any clue as to whether you are gay or straight. The only thing that should give it away is who you are having sex with. No not even that, it's people you enjoy having sex with. 

So if it is impossible, why does Playing It Straight even exist? I think it's the fault of women. Now look women, I do genuinely believe women are the equal of men. I am aware of the years of persecution and repression there have been against women, just because you are women. For God's sake, I've read Caitlin Moran's How To Be A Woman. I can say proudly that I am a feminist. So calm down, this is no anti-woman rant, just a few pointers on how women can do their bit in making things truly equal for both women and men. There is something that us men are streaks ahead of women with; the acceptability of self expression. 

It's true that women are great at being themselves. Wearing what they want, acting how they like and being exactly who they want to be and without any real downsides. Partly because no matter what women do, say or wear, men will still be fairly interested. Women in trousers, with no make-up, scruffy hair will still be lusted after by straight men. Women just don't seem as happy to accept a man who can express himself with the same freedom.

A lot of men will refrain from fully expressing themselves in many ways and will commonly ask themselves the question "Does this make me look gay?" This is the male version of "Does my bum look big in this?" There are broadly 3 different types of men. Firstly men who are so masculine that they never even ask themselves the question. Secondly, men who care very little whether they look gay or not. If they do ask themselves the question, they answer "yes" with glee. Then there is the third, most common type of guy. The one that asks themselves the question and unfortunately changes their behaviour, what they're listening to or what they are wearing to seem less gay. 

It is most likely that the second type of guy will predominately be gay. This is obviously how we have a stereotype for what we think gay things are. Gay men haven't been forced to change their behaviour to seem less gay; what they do is what 'gay' is. Any of the three types of guys could in fact be gay or straight. Sadly straight men make up most of the guys who change their behaviour to be less gay. Why? Unfortunately, if you aren't gay and people think you're gay then there are negative consequences. Not because being gay is inferior, far from it. It's not only because of the frighteningly large proportion of ignorant, homophobic, moronic wankers that might take it upon themselves to express, physically, how much they dislike the lifestyle they think you lead. No, the most important reason to not look gay for a straight man, is because women immediately rule you out of being a potential suitor if they think they're gay. 

I don't know,why this is the case. I am sure there are some deeply psychological and sociological reasons behind it and I will endeavour to find them for you. But social attitudes to women have changed and I think it is about time we liberated men. Actually, that sounds a bit gross. How about: I think it is about time we let men liberate themselves. No even worse.

To further prove my point, and to take this article to a whole other level, we see the same repression of straight men in sexual expression and experimentation. We are told that in our teens we should be 'finding ourselves'. Meeting people, socialising, drinking and shagging (well, you were if you went to a school that famously distributed the morning after pill as if they were M&Ms like I did). We should be experimenting and finding what we like, and in our formative teen years, trying out a bit of both men and women if it takes our fancy. If you are a woman doing that it's fine and there are not real consequences. You wouldn't immediately be classed as a homosexual if you kissed a girl, see Katy Perry for an example (this is probably the only time I'll be able to use Katy Perry as a positive example). Men would not dismiss all your best attributes and then steer clear of you assuming you were gay. No, quite the opposite. Men would embrace your new found experimental nature and it would be just another reason why they might want to 'get to know you'. I've seen it first hand, two girls kiss in a club and from that point on they will be pestered by men all night. That is because men are forward thinking and non-judgemental. Contrary to this, if a man even hints about experimenting sexually with someone of the same sex they are immediately classed as gay. No middle ground, they are gay: off the cards for women, a lover of Madonna and musicals. There is no room for experimentation for men, they have to make an extremely important, life changing decision based on no experience.

It's ok for women or gay men to experiment sexually because if they eventually choose men to ultimately make a go of it with, they will be fine. As we've established, it is men who are more accepting of self expression and actively encourage sexual experimentation.

So ladies, next time you proclaim to be a feminist, remember it is a two way street and to fully achieve equality between the sexes you've got to be more like a man and be accepting of self expression.

@WillBeaumont

Illustrations by Ed J Bown (@edjulianbrown)